09 May 2019
It has come to the attention of the government that grammatical barbarism has been seeping into the English language for centuries — and they are doing something about it! They have appointed a committee of distinguished scholars at the National Academy. A series of measures have been taken to stop the mental rot. "These sort of things are barbaric," said one committee member. "All the data is pointing to the decay, but the media is stubbornly ignoring it. This amounts to gross negligence on its part." Each member of the committee are concerned with the lax attitude toward grammatical correctness pervasive today. "I am familiar with someone that doesn't know the difference between singular and plural," commented another committee member. "From various forums we know that hardly anyone still knows about the plural and singular endings of Latin words, as if a highly infectious bacteria was being spread. As for Greek endings, nobody has a criteria any longer for telling whether a word is singular or plural." He went on, "One professor who we are acquainted with cannot distinguish between nominative and accusative case and hides his embarrassment by exclusively using 'that' as the relative pronoun for both things and people! This isn't just a matter between you and I, but needs to be made public. Social media is probably the most effective way to halt this downward spiral."